For Pearl-O, by Estrella

The First Time Frannie Met Ray Kowalski

by Estrella

The first time Frannie met Ray Kowalski her nose was stuffy and her eyes were red and swollen. Just two days before that everything in her life was normal. She went to the station to see her brother and Fraser, and at dinner Ray busted her chops about pretty much everything.

Ray went to work the next day and that night Frannie and her ma got a visit from some big-shot at the police department. “Undercover...very important role...need all your cooperation...” Frannie could barely hear what the guy was saying over the ringing in her ears and her mother’s sobbing.

“We need you to come to the station tomorrow to meet the replacement,” the guy said, and Frannie said yes. Yes, of course. Then she went to her room and cried herself to sleep.

Tony drove her and Maria to the precinct the next day and they waited in a small interrogation room for twenty minutes before the door opened and the officer from the night before walked in. Frannie took a deep breath and willed herself not to cry, and then the door opened one more time and her new brother walked in the room.

He was skinny and blond and wearing a pair of thick glasses. He had on a sports jacket over a Chicago Bulls t-shirt, and was wearing a pair of old, scuffed motorcycle boots. He walked over to Tony and shook his hand, flashing a grin and nodding energetically.

Frannie hated him on sight.

It was as if they set out to purposely get a replacement as opposite her brother in every possible way. Maria was talking to him quietly, and Frannie sniffed and swiped at her eyes just as he stepped in front of her.

“Hi,” he said, sticking his hand out. “I’m Ray Kowalski.”

“Yeah.” Frannie frowned and shoved her hands deep in her pockets. “I know.”


` ` ` ` `

The second time Frannie met Ray Kowalski it wasn’t one of her better days. She was in the middle of a facial peel when she started to smell smoke and she was stuck in the house with only Tony for help.

She didn’t want to die, she didn’t want to die, she did not want to die - and then Fraser was there, helping her out of the house, and she was outside on the ground with her brother.

“You okay?” he asked, and Frannie sneered, knowing for a fact if Ray – the real Ray - were there he’d already know she was okay, because he’d have gone into the house looking for her to begin with.

Frannie lifted her nose and tightened her robe around her. “Not that you really care, but I’m fine.”

Ray looked at her and opened his mouth, but before he had a chance to say anything Fraser was walking out carrying Tony’s fish tank, and Ray left her standing there, watching flames lick up the side of her house.


` ` ` ` `


Air hissed through the vents in the file room, and Frannie sneezed as she lifted a stack of reports, disturbing the thick layer of dust covering the top of the file cabinet.

Frannie hated filing. The room was dusty and dirty. People just walked in and threw their crap all over the place, not even trying to figure out where it was supposed to go. Plus, the file room was all the way on the other side of the precinct, so she had to either stay late or get to work early when she had filing to do because she couldn’t do her desk work at the same time.

She had planned on getting to the station early that morning, but her ma needed someone to take her to the store, and Maria needed someone to watch the baby for a few minutes while she took a shower. By the time Frannie got out the door she had to hurry just to make it to work on time, let alone get there early.

The cabinet drawer squeaked on its hinges when she pulled it out, and Frannie flipped through the files, shoving the reports into their proper spots. She could hear a door slamming down the hall, and then the sound of footsteps walking up to the doorway of the file room.

“Yeah, who’s there,” Frannie called, still flipping through the open drawer. Hobbes...Hobbes...there it is. She opened the Hobbes file and stuffed the forensics report in, and kept flipping.

“Hey, Frannie,” Ray said from the doorway.

Frannie turned around and shot him a quick glance before turning back to the cabinet, slamming the drawer closed and bending down to pull out the one underneath it. “Hey, Ray, you get lost or something?”

Ray was quiet for a second and Frannie looked down at the report in her hands. Hodgkins. That should be—

“You’re here late.”

Frannie took a deep breath. God – men. Leave it to them to state the obvious like a can of bricks. Sometimes she just...

“Yeah, Ray,” she finally said, lips pulled tight. “Seeing as how no one in this place can manage to put their own reports away, I get to stay and do it for them. It’s...” she glanced down at her watch, “almost six o’clock. It’s dirty in here. I’m starving. And—”

Ray was so quiet Frannie turned around to see what he was doing, but when she looked, he wasn’t there. “Ray?” she called out. Then, “Ray? Where the hell? Oh. Forget it.” Figures. The man asks her what she’s doing, then just walks away. Absolutely typical. “It doesn’t matter, I’m having fun here. I love this. I-”

“Ah, Francesca.”

Frannie whipped her head around. There was Fraser, standing in the doorway, nodding his head and smiling at her.

“Hey, Frase.” She smiled at him slowly and ran a hand over her hair. “What brings you here so late?”

“Actually, I was looking for Ray,” Fraser said. “Have you seen him? I went to his desk but he wasn’t there and—”

“He was here but then he left,” Frannie interrupted. She turned back to the file cabinet and slammed the drawer shut. “I don’t know where he went.”

“Oh. Well. In that case—”

Frannie stood up and smoothed down the front of her blouse. Fraser watched her, that same confused, vaguely terrified look on his face that he always seemed to have when she was around, and Frannie wondered just how much longer she was going to kid herself about things with them ever working out.

She opened her mouth, just about to say who knows what, when Ray came back. Fraser turned toward him and smiled, and Frannie turned back to the file cabinets, grabbing the stack of reports and pulling open a new drawer.

“Hey, Frase. Sorry, I just—”

“Not a problem, Ray,” Fraser answered. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, just hang on a second.”

Frannie heard someone walking into the room, and then the sound of a can being put down on a desk. “Here,” Ray said, and when Frannie turned around to look, there was a can of soda and a bag of M&Ms on the desk in the middle of the file room. Frannie looked at Ray’s face, and found him smiling at her faintly.

“Thanks, Ray,” Frannie said, surprised, and Ray just nodded and turned to head back out the door.

“See you tomorrow, Frannie,” Ray said.

“Good night, Francesca.”

Ray and Fraser walked out of the room together and Frannie watched them go, listening as their footsteps echoed softly down the hall.


` ` ` ` `


Everyone was pretty surprised when Ray stayed up in Canada with Fraser. Not that anyone really expected Fraser to come back to Chicago, but the thought of Ray Kowalski surrounded by moose and snow was almost too funny to think about. Frannie always knew Fraser wasn’t coming back – from the minute she heard he’d gone back to Canada, Frannie had resigned herself to never seeing Fraser again. The funny part was that she was actually okay with that after enough time had passed. Sure, she had cared about Fraser, had thought about a life with him. But Canada was where Fraser belonged, not in Chicago with her. She’d miss him, of course. That was to be expected

What she hadn’t actually bargained for was missing Ray.

Not that she’d ever admit to that, or even understood why, but Frannie had never realized how used to Ray Kowalski she’d become.

When Frannie first met Ray Kowalski, she hated him. Hated that he was there; hated that he was pretending to be her brother. But after a while she realized, okay, it wasn’t Ray’s fault her brother was sent away on some top-secret assignment. Ray was only doing his job, the same way her brother was, and it might be nice if she could cut the new guy some slack.

And being kinda-sorta-friends with Ray definitely had its advantages. Ray was funny, and normal, and rough around the edges, kind of like her. She didn’t have to watch what she said around him or make sure her hair was always neat and in place. When Ray was being stupid, she told him so, and that actually worked out pretty well for them (or at least Frannie thought so) the whole time he was working at the 2-7.

So when Frannie walked into the station for work that Monday morning after Ray had gotten back from Canada, and saw him rifling through the papers on his old desk, she felt herself smile – really smile – for what felt like the first time in months.

“Hey,” she said, walking over and propping a hip on the edge of his desk. “Welcome home.”

Ray looked up quickly - almost as if he was startled - but then he smiled and leaned back in his chair. “Hey, Frannie. Long time no see.”

“How was Canada?”

“Good,” Ray answered flatly. “You know, some sleds, some snow.”

Frannie laughed quietly, then nodded to the stack of files on the opposite corner of the desk. “They giving you work already?”

“Yeah, bunch of crap to go through.” Ray reached out for a file and flipped it open, fanning through the pages before tossing it back on the top of his desk. “I guess I was lucky they even still had a spot for me here,” he said, narrowing his eyes, almost as if he were challenging her.

“It’s been busy since you guys left,” Frannie said, trying to feel out exactly what Ray knew and didn’t know. “With my brother—”

“Getting ready to leave with Stella,” Ray interrupted. “You don’t have to sugar coat anything for me. I know the deal.”

“Yeah, okay,” Frannie said, nodding in agreement. “I’m not sugar coating anything, just saying, since Ray told everyone he was leaving, people were real worried who they’d be bringing in to fill this desk.” She smiled at him. “I’m just saying it’s good that it’s you.”

Ray leaned back in his chair and watched her with serious eyes. “Come on,” Frannie said, trying to lighten the mood. “What’s the matter – you leave all your laughs up there with Fraser?”

She regretted it the minute she said it. Ray flinched as if he’d been hit, and he dropped his eyes back down to the paperwork scattered all across the top of the desk. “Something like that,” he mumbled, and Frannie stood up, suddenly desperate to get back to her safe little desk and phone and away from whatever problems Ray brought home with him.

“Well, well. You jump in my grave that quick, Kowalski?” Frannie whipped her head around in time to see her brother sauntering into the bullpen. “Be quiet, Ray,” she hissed at him, but he just shook his head and grinned.

“I’m just having a little conversation with the man, Frannie,” Ray said, and when Frannie looked, Ray - Ray Kowalski - was hunched over, searching through the files in his desk drawer really intently.

“Whaddya want, Vecchio?” Ray asked, half-snarling.

Her brother placed his palms down on the top of the desk and leaned forward. “Oh, I’ll tell you what I want, Kowalski.”

Frannie had had it. “Hey, what’s the matter with you – you grow up in a barn or something?” she said, smacking her brother on the side of the head. “The Lieutenant was looking for you. Why don’t you go in there?”

“Frannie,” Ray warned, but just then – thank god – Welsh stuck his head out of his office. “Vecchio,” he barked, and Ray gave Frannie a long stare before turning around to head into Welsh’s office.

Welsh’s door slammed shut behind them, and when the blinds crashed down Frannie knew Ray would be in there for a while. She turned on the heel of her boot to head back to her desk and heard Ray call her name.

“Yeah?” she asked, turning back to face him.

Ray’s eyes crinkled at the corners and the edges of his mouth curved into a slow grin. “Thanks.”

Frannie tried to remember if Ray had ever smiled - really smiled - at her like that, but she was pretty sure the answer was no. She liked to think she’d have remembered it.

“No problem,” she said, flashing a grin of her own and lifting her hand in a wave. “I’ll see you later.”


` ` ` ` `

A few weeks after her brother and Stella left for Florida, Frannie was in the break room slapping her hand against the front of the vending machine.

“Stupid…piece…of...crap…” she chanted, echoing each word with another loud smack. Just as she was about to give up, a fist crashed into the right side of the machine, and she watched as the metal coil in front of the potato chips unraveled, dropping a bag into the dispenser. She stepped out of the way as Ray bent down and pulled the chips out, handing them to her with a flourish.

“Here ya go,” Ray said, smiling at her.

“Thanks.” Frannie palmed the bag, tossing it from one hand to the other. “You taking a break?”

“Yeah. ” Ray rubbed one hand over the back of his neck while he plugged quarters into the machine with the other. He pressed a button, punched the side of the machine again, and a small packet of M&Ms came tumbling down, hitting the bottom of the machine with a thwack. “Welsh dumped this real shit case on my desk, and with –” he trailed off, waving his hand around vaguely. “With no one else really here, it all kinda falls on me.”

“They have a partner for you yet?”

Ray shrugged and wandered over to the coffee pot, pouring himself a cup and then loaded it with milk and a handful of candy. “No one yet. They say Elaine might be coming back.”

“Elaine is good, from what I hear,” Frannie said, walking over to him. He was still stirring his coffee methodically, and when he turned around to look at her, his eyes looked almost sad.

“I didn’t know Elaine all that well. She graduated right after I—”

“I didn’t know her too well either, but everyone says she’s a good cop,” Frannie said, reaching out to lay her hand on Ray’s arm. “It’s weird here, with just you and me left from before,” she said, and Ray nodded. “It’ll work out,” Frannie added, squeezing his arm once before pulling her hand away. “Just give it time.”

“Time,” Ray blew out a breath and turned around to lean back against the counter. “Seems that time’s all I got lately.”

Frannie wished she knew something smart to say. Something intelligent and witty – but in the end she wound up just smiling again, and tossed her bag of chips at Ray. He lifted his hand and plucked them out of the air.

“Hey. I thought you —”

“I wanted pretzels,” Frannie said with a wink, before she turned and walked away.


` ` ` ` `


The thing was, Frannie didn’t ever plan on sleeping with Ray Kowalski. Sure he was attractive; now that he wasn’t pretending to be her brother she could admit that. But they were sort of friends since he came back from Canada, and neither of them had too many of those, so Frannie really didn’t want to screw things up.

Of course, if either of them had more friends maybe they wouldn’t have wound up sleeping together to begin with.

Ray’s apartment was almost exactly how she expected it to be. Cluttered and guy looking, with funny lights strung across the ceiling and some kind of reptile in a tank. She stood in the middle of the living room with her coat on until Ray came over and took the leftovers from dinner she was holding, nodding his head toward the couch.

“Take your jacket off, I’ll stick these in the fridge,” Ray said, and Frannie smiled and tried not to think about how she was taking off her coat and sitting on Ray’s couch. Just a quick drink after work had turned into a quick bite to eat, which turned into going back to his apartment to watch some TV.

They didn’t even talk about it really, they were sitting on the couch watching the TV when Ray leaned over and kissed her. Just a soft, quick kiss, and Frannie looked at him – looked at his eyes and watched his face light up with one of those real, slow smiles – and felt her palms start to sweat.

Ray’s bed wasn’t made, but Frannie figured that by this point that hardly mattered. He slowly unbuttoned the front of her blouse and she reached back and unhooked her bra. Ray leaned forward and pressed his mouth to her breast, and Frannie shivered, and slid out of her skirt and stockings.

Ray was skinnier out of his clothes than she had imagined, and he had some sort of tattoo on his arm that she couldn’t quite make out. Something red and black and far sexier looking than Frannie had ever imagined a tattoo to be.

Frannie lay down on top of Ray’s messy sheets and he followed her, kissing her neck and shoulders, his lips warm and soft on her skin. Ray’s hands were rough and Frannie shivered when he touched her, threading her fingers through his hair to pull his head down to kiss his mouth.

The drawer of Ray’s nightstand squeaked, and then he was leaning back, sliding a condom on, and Frannie closed her eyes as he slipped inside her, his body moving slowly over hers.

Ray’s skin was warm and soft and Frannie moved her hands over his shoulders, down his back, until she was holding his hips. Ray’s breath was humid where he breathed against her skin, his face buried in the crook of her neck. When he came, Frannie closed her eyes and hoped she hadn’t just screwed everything up.


` ` ` ` `

Everything was screwed up.

The next day at work Ray was busy – really busy – and out of the precinct most of the day. Frannie only saw him for a quick second when he walked in, and then that was it, and it was time to go home, which she did.

Ray didn’t call her at home, which was fine. He never called her normally, why would he now? But after a week of telling herself that she wasn’t sad and angry, she decided he wasn’t going to get away with ignoring her any longer.

“Hey,” she called after him as he walked down the hallway one morning. “Ray.”

Ray stopped and dropped his head. “Yeah, what,” he said, not turning around to look at her.

Frannie was tired of playing games. “So what, are you never gonna talk to me again?” she asked, walking around so she was in front of him.

“No, that’s not – I mean, it’s not like I’m ignoring—” he started to say, but Frannie flapped her hand around in the air and cut him off.

“Actually, that’s exactly what you’re doing.” She balled her hands into fists and rested them on her hips. “Is that it, then? We’re talking, hanging out. Then one night things…happen, and – just – you know. Pffft?”

Ray watched her in silence, and then the corner of his mouth started to quirk up into a smile. “Pffft?”

“It’s not funny, Ray,” Frannie said seriously. She wasn’t in the mood for jokes. “Is this how it’s gonna be?”

A door slammed down the hall, and Frannie looked at the floor, then sniffed and rubbed a hand across her nose. When she looked back up, Ray looked at her and raised his hands, palms up in the air. “Frannie, I just don’t—”

“No, it’s okay,” Frannie said, taking a deep breath. “That’s fine. I just…” she smiled weakly, and started backing up. “I just wanted to know.”

“Frannie, wait—”

“I’ll see you soon, Ray.” Frannie turned around and started walking away. Ray Kowalski had already seen her cry too many times.


` ` ` ` `


The TV played softly in the living room and Frannie flipped through a magazine, barely seeing the glossy pictures and words in front of her. The doorbell rang and she ignored it.

“Francesca,” her ma called from the kitchen. “Get the door!”

“Tell Tony to get it!” Frannie shouted back.

“I’m doing my teeth,” Tony called from the bathroom, and the doorbell rang again.

“Francesca!”

“All right! All right! Jesus.” Frannie stood up and let the magazine fall to the floor. “It’s like I’m the only person who lives in this house sometimes,” she muttered, throwing the locks and disgustedly pulling open the front door.

Ray Kowalski was on her stoop.

“Hey,” he said, smiling a little before he ducked his head.

Frannie crossed her arms over her chest and leaned in the doorway. “Hey.”

“Look, I have something to say, so listen to me first, and then talk later, okay?”

Frannie nodded tightly. “Okay.”

Ray ran a hand through his hair and coughed into his fist, then crossed his arms in front of his chest. He was wearing a sports jacket over a Chicago Bulls t-shirt and Frannie could see the outline of his glasses in his jacket pocket.

“So the thing is, I’m thinking we fucked up,” Ray said. “We were like, normal – you and me – and then I was gone, and then I came back and we were like--” Ray ducked his head and reached around to rub the back of his neck. When he looked up at her he smiled faintly. “I fucked up, Frannie,” he said quietly. “And you deserve better than that, I know, but—“

Frannie started to laugh but she was already crying, and then Ray was there right in front of her, wiping his thumb under her eye. “I’m sorry. I say we start over,” he said thickly. “Right from the beginning. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Frannie sniffed.

Ray took a step back and held out his hand. “Hi,” he said, smiling. “I’m Ray Kowalski.”

Frannie slipped her hand in his and held on. “Yeah,” she said, smiling back. “I know.”